network:
What would life be like if there was an advertising dictatorship in Ireland?
Note:
The following is wholly hypotetical, unethical and based on spurious scientific research.
Government Mandate 1
Giant Unilever TV monitors to be placed in all homes, both inside and outside.
Our target market “Maggie”, who is an ABC1 housewife aged 28-50 will get up in the morning and proceed to the shower where a giant wrap around monitor placed on the wall will flash images of “Dove” shower gel at one tenth of a second. Music will be played subliminally saying “buy it now”. Maggie will then get out of the shower and hurry out the front door where the giant digital screen outside her house will indicate the nearest supermarket stocking Dove.
Government Mandate 2
Life Savings will be spent on Miley Cyrus merchandise and memorabilia .
Grafton Street will be renamed “Montana Street”. Every time families are seen on Montana Street, a Hanna Montana flash mob will ambush the family, encircle the children and the parents and not allow them to leave until a certain amount of money is spent on merchandise.
Government Mandate 3
All classroom blackboards will be replaced with billboards and teachers replaced with personal sellers.
All children will be shown advertising messages from 9am until 1:30pm daily, with 30 minutes for English, Irish and Maths. Homework will be replaced with filling out subscription forms for Airtricity and Vodafone. Personal sellers will replace all teachers and children will be coached on how to pester their parents to sign up to everything that they are approached with. The child who gets the most subscriptions wins a trip to Disneyland.
Government Mandate 4
Everyone in the country will have to have his or her house furnished by Ford, with a giant ford logo emblazoned onto the lawn outside.
By 2013 all homes in Ireland will be furnished by The Ford Motor Company. All green areas outside homes or apartments must feature a giant Ford logo, which is clearly visible from an aeroplane flying at 10,000 feet.
Government Mandate 5
All RTE viewers must complete an obligatory quiz at the end of every TV commercial break.
CCTV cameras will be placed in all homes. During a TV show, viewers will have to name the ads they saw in the break to prove recall. Upon failing to remember the advertising messages, all interior doors will lock automatically and the viewer not allowed to leave their house until they remember correctly. Additionally, following release from their house, the viewer’s television set will continuously fast forward to the commercial during programming for the period of one week, to ensure maximum learning.
By: Michael-Philippe Bosonnet http://mkyl-exploreroftheseas.blogspot.com/
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